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Archive for the ‘Huh?’ Category

Homeopathic Earthing

We all know that Earthing is “The most important health discovery ever!”. But that’s not the half of it.

Earthing - The Most Important Health Discovery Ever!

Earthing – The Most Important Health Discovery Ever!

Today, and today only, we are now able to announce a major breakthrough and product line that amps up the electrical benefits of Earthing and makes it hundreds of times more effective.

Through the type of advanced German engineering pioneered by Samuel Hahnemann, we have developed a quantum methodology using the qi of the Universe that applies homeopathic potentization to the electric capacitancy of Earthing.

And as a side benefit, you never have to be bothered by those “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” signs ever again.

True barefooters have occasionally resorted to various methods to try to disguise the fact that they are Earthing. Common methods have included fully-earthed sandals:

Fully-earthed Sandals

Fully-earthed Sandals

Others, realizing that sometimes shopowners look at those sandals quizzically, have gone with full uppers while still allowing full earthing.

Upper Shielded - Lower Earthed

Upper Shielded – Lower Earthed

There are other methods that can be used to still allow earthing. One such is demonstrated here:

Selective Earthing

Selective Earthing

The trouble with something like that, though, is that our reflexology consultants warn us that this limits the beneficial effects of earthing to our pituitary, nose, neck, thyroid, bronchia, esophagus, and parts of the lung.

Reflexology Points Affected

Reflexology Points Affected

Now, in a breakthrough of shocking proportions, we have discovered how to combine the scientifically merge homeopathy and earthing. Recall that, under homeopathy, successive dilutions increase the potency of the effect, in this case earthing. We use serial dilutions to electrical access combined with molecular succussions upon a specially prepared material to activate the homeopathic potential of earthing. This our trademarked “homgeopathetic™ process.

Note: Do not confuse this with electrohomeopathy, which is based on the idea that electricity comes in different colors and could thereby be used to create remedies. That’s just old-fashioned quackery. Everybody knows that only gluicity comes in colors.

We start with a base material that allows full electron pass-through:

Base Material

Base Material

This is used to produce the sole we start with.

Base Material Sole

Base Material Sole

Next, using our secret process, was are able to dilute the holes using a special kind of succussion that ties into the qi of the Universe. After a 6C, it looks like this:

Base Material After Dilution and Succussion

Base Material After Dilution and Succussion

In line with the principles of homeopathy, such a dilution with succussion actives the earthing that the sole provides, thus amping up all of the benefits of earthing, possibly up to 1,000 times the benefits of earthing without our special sole.

But we don’t stop there.

We continue these dilutions and succussions until we have produced a sole suitable for protecting your foot from the myriad hazards lurking on the ground. In the end, the material has been driven to have a complete electronic overlap of the qi-uantum electron shells of the atoms that make up our homgeopathetic™ soles. Our incredible sole has absorbed electron memory through each step thus enhancing the earthing effect far beyond anything otherwise possible.

This is what we end up with, the Homgeopathetic™ FootPath:

The FootPath

The FootPath

Through the principles of Homeopathy, when you wear the FootPath you are multiplying the beneficial effects of Earthing up to 1,000,000 times! In addition, it provides a nice side effect in that you can regularly and easily go into stores with “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” signs without being hassled. Chalk it up to the power of homeopathy.

We have also applied this same technology to benefit those of you who prefer the exposure to the elemental qualities of the Earth (air, water, sun) without a shirt. As it well known, natural voltage varies with height about the earth, so going without a shirt helps enhance the natural flow of electrons through one’s body and increasing the antioxidant effect of earthing.

Again, through serial dilution of the interstices of the shirtless condition, we have applied our special method of succussion to create a shirt that supplies that elemental exposure in a homeopathic way. Here is our Homgeopathetic™ ChestPath:

The ChestPath

The ChestPath

And ladies, this allows you to enjoy the same benefits that men have in going shirtless in public—no worries about being topless in public or being accosted for breastfeeding in a restaurant. You’ll be homgeopathetically topless the whole time.

Surely these are products that everybody will be all charged up to buy!

 

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Saturday Comic

Today’s comic is really, as far as I’m concerned, an anti-comic. It appeared a week ago (August 26) in the strip Six Chix. This particular one was drawn by Stephanie Piro. It really annoys me.

Six Chix, August 26, 2017

Six Chix, August 26, 2017

The thing is, if she was unaware of all those things as a kid, maybe it’s because they (mostly) aren’t there. And when they occasionally were, her feet were more than able to cope with them. (And since when are rocks and sticks “icky”?)

And maybe she thinks flip-flops are without the ick and the ouch, but she’s just traded for a more hidden ick and ouch. Isn’t it icky to realize she is treading on all the dead skin that’s come off her feet and embedded itself on the top of the flip-flop? And the ouch comes from the diminished proprioception of her soles that means that she’s OK walking with an odd gait that can affect her core all the way up through her back? (Flip-flops also aren’t all that much “protection” from sharp objects that can penetrate the rubbery sole; and by the time you feel it, you’ve already put all your weight on it—unlike when you are barefoot and feel the hazard immediately.)

The only thing that’s good about people wearing flip-flops is that it provides a bit of cover for those of us who really go barefoot. I’ve heard the pelmatophobes say to barefooters: “Nobody wants to see your feet.” Yet, they are perfectly OK with flip-flops and don’t complaint about seeing feet with them, illustrating perfectly their irrationality. Also, the flip-flop look helps barefoot sandals do their thing. So in some ways flip-flops help make going completely barefoot more acceptable.

 

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No One Said It Would Be Pretty

There’s a story (from about a year and a half ago) that’s making the rounds: Going shoeless at work could make you less stressed and more productive. It’s a nice story, if a bit short.

But I have a reputation as a curmudgeon to uphold.

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They Just Don’t Stop

Yahoo News now has a new travel list: 12 People Who Should Be Banned From Flying. It was also picked up by the New York Post: The 12 types of people who should be banned from flying.

I’m sure you can guess what is number one.

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10,000 BC

There’s a new “reality show” across the big pond called 10,000 BC. The premise is that they transport 20 people back 12,000 years to see how they survive.

It’s the usual mash-up of drama and ignorance.

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Here Comes the Br(oads)ide

You know, sometimes I wonder if other blog writers are having trouble coming up with material. Why else would the New Orleans Bride Magazine ask on their “Wediquette Wednesday”, Is it OK to go barefoot at the reception?.

And even moreso, how could they come up with the answer they did?

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The Splintery Slope

We seem to be having a spate of beach municipalities being really concerned about bare feet on boardwalks and piers.

I’m not even sure where it’s coming from.

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