At least that’s what the advertisement from our newspaper last Sunday said. And how, you might ask, have slippers been reinvented?
Why of course, they’re “barefoot”.
Yup, these folks claim that they have invented “Barefoot Slippers”.
Well, let’s take a look at them. Here’s the men’s version.
Huh? Those are “Sock Slippers”. So, why do they call them “barefoot”? Here’s what the ad says:
Now enjoy that barefoot feeling without the unwelcome side effects.
So, what’s this barefoot feeling they’re talking about? The barefoot feeling is the ability to actually feel what you are walking about on. FAIL! The barefoot feeling is not feeling your foot being enclosed on all sides. FAIL!
They’re just socks with an anti-skid sole.
Yet they say that with their “Barefoot Slippers” “going through airport security will now be a cinch.” How? You’ll still have to stop to take them off and put them back on? (And you’re probably going to have to sit down to do so.) That’s not like being barefoot at all.
And did you notice something else up there? “Unwelcome side effects”. Just what are those unwelcome side effect of going barefooted?
These slip-ons protect your feet from dirt, cold, insects, yucky floors, damp surfaces, germs . . .
Oh, my. I never knew those things were so awful. (Also note that they omit the number one fear of people from going barefoot: glass. Obviously, because they don’t protect your feet from that. What protects your feet from glass is situational awareness—your eyes—and not scuffing your feet as your walk.)
For the rest, if you have moderately conditioned feet, they don’t need protection from all those other things. Dirt is not a problem. If you truly go barefooted your feet adjust to the temperatures (just as your hands and face do). Insects? Where they heck are you? And yucky floors really aren’t a problem—in fact they might provide some nice textural stimulation.
Those last two items kind of go together. If these slippers protect against damp surfaces, that means that they are waterproof. Which means that their insides are a perfect breeding ground for all sorts of bacteria and fungi. FAIL!
Anyways, here’s the whole advertisement. Make fun of it yourselves.
Oh, and do you notice how they have different versions for men and women? How stylish! There’s a small cut-out on top for the women.
Sigh. We’ve gone from the misnomer of “barefoot running” to the misnomer of “barefoot slippers”. Please save us from advertisers.